Multiple updates...

Rolling, baby K rolled over this week, twice! Yeah yeah I know, it's only 2 times, but I witnessed it once and T witnessed it once. So we are equally excited about it.

Once was after bath time...after bath each night I give baby K "naked time" a good 15 mins of belly time naked. Then I roll her onto her back and lotion her up before putting her in her PJ's. Well on Monday night, she was on the floor doing her thing, I was squeezing a squeaky duck she has (she seems to really love ducks) and she was getting really excited bouncing around when WHAM she was on her back! She was startled but didn't cry or anything.

Then Yesterday when T came home from work he put her on her belly in the sun room and said that within 30 seconds she was on her back.

We could not get her to do it again either time.

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Sleeping, those of you with kids or that have a lot of experience with other's kids...baby K makes a lot of noise as she is falling asleep, almost pain noises, like it hurts to fall asleep. Do your babies do this too? Sometimes she has a total F'ing meltdown "right" before she falls asleep....kicking, punching, screaming, sleeping...very odd or very normal?

Her naps are becoming shorter and fewer. But her nights are still a good 10-12 hours. My only issue with her night sleeping pattern is that I cannot keep her awake past 7. I wish I could keep her up til 8-9. By the time I get home from work it is 6-6:30 and some nights she is already asleep cause T just could not keep her up any longer. This means I leave and she is sleeping...I return and she is sleeping. It makes for a very depressed Mommy.

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Diapers, this kid is outgrowing diapers too fast. I am not sure what she weighs right now (next appt is 6/10) but I assume around 16lbs. Sam's Club had the Pampers 1-2 (like 250 diapers) for $30 so I bought 2 boxes. This was back when she was still wearing the straight 1's. I have 3 more of the clear packs that were in the boxes of the 1-2 and they are just getting to be too small. I'll squeeze her into them as long as I can, but then I may need to send Kate more diapers!

I have 2 packages of size 2 not used (not true, I put her in a size 2 at night cause she was peeing right out of the others in her sleep) and 4 boxes of size 3 in the attic...I don't think I am buying any more diapers for a while.

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Teeth, she got 2 which I mentioned in my previous post. But she is definitely getting more. I see nothing happening up top, bit holy cow is her bottom gum getting bumpy! Not only do I think she is getting molars already, I think she is also getting eye teeth. She's kind of being a bitch about it too. Oh what I have to look forward to as she gets older!

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Weight loss, I don't have any..actually I think I gained like 4 lbs this week. I had SERIOUS PMS going on. All I wanted was junk and could not get enough of it either. On Tuesday I bit the bullet and joined the 24 hour gym. Got all dressed to go on Wed after baby K was in bed and discovered that my sneakers were at work under my desk. Thursday I forgot the sneakers at work, Friday my cramps were just too bad to attempt to exercise, and now we are on Saturday...I have every intention to wake T up at 9am and head up there for at least an hour before he has to get going to work. I hope to do the same tomorrow too.

My next OB appt is 7/10, I am hoping to be down 6-10lbs by then.

I read an article in O a couple weeks ago. It was Oprah's interview with Michelle Obama, and MO said that she gets up to work out daily at 4:30, when O asked her how she forces herself to do it, MO said "Well, I just started thinking, if I had to get up to go to work, I'd get up and go to work. If I had to get up to take care of my kids, I'd get up to do that. But when it comes to yourself, then it's suddenly, "Oh, I can't get up at 4:30." So I had to change that. If I don't exercise, I won't feel good. I'll get depressed. Of course, it's easier to do it here, because I have much more support now. But I always think about women who don't have support. That's why work-family balance isn't just a policy conversation; it's about changing the expectations of who we have to be as women and parents." This was my inspiration to make time for myself to feel good about my body again. I used to get up at 4:45 and work out before work. It always made my day start out SO MUCH BETTER. I lost weight, I felt energized, I felt healthy, I felt beautiful...I need to feel all of those things again.

The fitness center is open 24hours, it is 2.5 miles from my driveway. There is no reason why I can't get up at 5:00 instead of 5:45 and go work out for an hour, then come home and get ready for work. I need to do it....wish me luck.

Don't forget...

...I have started another blog...If you are interested in reading...hit me up (god I hate that saying)!!

There's a leaky faucet....

....running in my baby's mouth! She has two teeth that came in and I swear I think she has two more on their way...and I think they are either the canine or the first molar. My god she isn't even 4 months old yet!

What do you think?

Sorry it is so blurry. I took a picture of her and then cropped it closer to try to show you her teeth.

One year ago today...

...I found out I was pregnant with baby K. I tell you the story here. To think that my journey to motherhood began a year ago.

I remember the feelings I had that day...overwhelming joy...overwhelming fear...seriously hung over and having regrets for my partying ways the night before...

Time for a little exposure...

..I will be creating a secondary blog shortly..one that my IRL friends and family will not get access to.

This one "Staying above the water" will remain my daily - parenting, work, life ramblings..the other one (yet to be named) will be where I can let loose. Speak freely. No longer have to monitor my ramblings. A place where Mom, Dad, friends...won't have access. No offense folks, but there are some things you just don't need to know....I will frequently link to this blog, but will never link from here to that blog. I will do my very best to keep it so that no one "un-intended" goes there...

If you are one of my "bloggy" friends and you would like to know my new blog URL, go into the about me section and send me an email. Once it is created I'll send you the new address.

Friends/Family....don't be angry - I just need a place to let some stuff out without worrying about peoples feelings...

Sneaking around...

...it's Friday before a Holiday weekend. No one is in the office except for my contractors. I have SO MUCH work I could be, should be, working on in the peace and quiet, but no, I am updating my Blog. (guess we know where the priority is)

My co-hort and I snuck out at 11:15 and went for pedicures. Came back 2 hours later, grabbed lunch from the cafe. Responded to a couple of emails, sent out some meeting minutes, and now I am spent.

I am going to leave shortly. I would like to accomplish 2 more items on my to do list and then out I go..

I went shopping after work last night. Hit up Old Navy and Dress barn. I desperately needed some ABC's (after baby clothes). I have lost all my baby weight (plus a couple pounds) but it all hangs differently now. I have not been motivated to begin working out yet, as it takes me away from Baby K far too much.

I went looking for summer clothes (shorts, capris, bright tops) and then shoes. I was able to pick up a couple pairs of capris, few pairs of shorts and several tops. Shoes on the other hand NOTHING!

Now let me tell you I have an addiction to shoes, at least I have in the past, however I am really trying hard to not "spend" unnecessary money, so I would put on a pair of shoes I liked and wear them as I walked around the store, the minute they hurt (and they all did) back in the box and shelf they went. I used to be able to wear heels, strappy, funky, super cute shoes , but it does not seem possible any longer.

I am not giving up yet though...off I will go again today~

Hope you all have a great Holiday weekend, I anticipate Blogland to be slow, but I'll be on daily to meet my ICLW quota!!!

Happy Memorial Day weekend

Welcome ICLW'ers

Last month was my first time participating in ICLW and I loved that I added a dozen more blogs to follow! Really looking forward to hooking up with a few more of you ladies (and men).

I am going to link you back to my April post since I did the ABC intro, and you can learn a bit about me.

Couple things about my blog.

• I try to make at least 3 updates a week, but try not to post something just for the sake of it
• I am obsessed with lurkers, which is why I have the little tracker on the right side of my page...please don't lurk, at least say HI once
• I am page design challenged, I tried to make changes a few weeks ago, but it looked not good, so I reverted to being dull
• I tend to blog at night when I get home from my IT job, where I spend close to 12 hours a day on the computer
• I like comments (who doesn't really?)
• sometimes I have to monitor what I put on here cause both my Mom and dad read this....

BREAKING NEWS......

it IS love!!!!!!

Chiming in...

..on the whole "Jon and Kate" topic.

Let me begin by saying I LOVE the gossip columns. I LOVE people magazine. I LOVE STAR. I LOVE all of the craptastic crap that goes along with those items.

"Did he or didn't he"? If he did, who could blame him, she is such a bitch! Not that I think that allows him the right to cheat on his wife, because I am a firm believer that if you are willing to stray, to even think of straying, you'd better walk away now.

I will admit that I watch this show. Hell I have probably seen every episode at least 4 times. I mean come on, who would not love to watch those stinkin cute kids (especially Aaden!). If it is on, whether I've seen it or not, I'll watch.

I don't think Jon cheated, I don't think Kate cheated. Here's what I think.....

.....it's all a publicity stunt. Sadly it is at the expense of their family. Face it, their kids are 5 years old, and yeah they are cute, but we've been watching them for 4 seasons. Kate treating Jon like a piece of gum on her shoe has gotten old. Kate's OCD is tiresome. There are new shows to watch, new families to follow. There's the newest one "Table for Twelve", this family is so much more realistic. I love that the parents make spaghetti and Prego sauce for dinner, that if the kids eat enough dinner they get a donut hole, that their kids are sneaky and even if they don't finish dinner they climb up on the counters and eat a donut hole (or 4!) like REAL kids...There are the Dugger's, now we could have the same argument that we have been watching them for years, however they keep changing it up a bit for us by having more kids, marrying off their oldest and now getting ready for a grand baby!

Jon and Kate have realised that they are at the end of their run and they are shitting bricks. Kate's trying to pimp her new book. They bought a huge house that needs to be paid for, Jon recently lost his BA job, they've chosen to disengage from their family (Kate's brother Kevin and wife Jodie and their kids) and now they are seeing their ratings flop.

So I think it's a well thought out, properly executed publicity stunt....I know that I'll be watching the season premier on 5/26. Maybe it worked.....

New do....

I have wanted to cut my hair since I was 7 months pregnant, but everything I read said "don't do it", I guess because your hormones may cause you to make poor choices? Anyway I waited....until now....

6 inches off! I feel so much better!!! It's my old, regular haircut. But much shorter than I've had in a long time.

....also, check out baby K's flickr album. I added from 4/27 through today (5/18)!! 549 photos loaded already....

Teeth...

..She got her two bottom teeth in today!

Isn't it kind of early for teeth? I thought she would start teething during this month and get them next month, but holy cow, I was playing with her and put my finger in her mouth and felt something sharp..upon further investigation, there they were. Two perfect little teeth poking through her gums.

God I love this kid...

The Letter...

...that old friend I mentioned, the one from face book, the one I don't want to re-connect with, but am glad to have tabs on her....she keeps contacting me. Just little comments here and there. "Happy Birthday" "Your baby is beautiful" "Happy Mother's day". etc...but on a couple of occasions she has sent actual letters, long ones. And I have yet to respond, until tonight.

I just spent the last 2 hours compiling thoughts that have gone through my head for the past decade. Trying to express them in writing. I wrote it, and re-wrote it, and revised it a bit more...and sent it. I did it.

It was by far the most therapeutic yet equally devastating thing I have ever written to another person. I tried to not be cold, rude, cut throat. But also made sure that I stuck to who I am.

I hope she sees that my intentions in what I wrote were not to hurt her, but came from my heart.

You know summer is almost here...

...when we open up the fire pit!

My first night away....

...I'm going to be away for an overnight tonight! I am excited and sad at the same time. My favorite time of the weekday is getting home to give baby K a bath, feed her, and rock her to sleep while I sing to her. But I won't get to do that tonight....

My bestie got a free room offer at one of the local casinos. She called up to book a room and upgraded to a suite for $39! I bought my bottle of vodka and bottle of cranberry juice, packed an overnight bag, transferred a couple hundred into my checking...and off I will be going.

I am going to check to see if there is any way I can get into the spa tomorrow am. I would kill for a kick ass massage right now. My body feels like I got hit by a truck.

MIL will be sleeping over and watching baby K as she normally does on Friday's so there is no rush for me to get home.

I'll leave you with a couple of 3Month pics of my big girl.....

Mommy had to work on Saturday, but when I got home we had some much needed cuddle time..

Big girl is doing a lot of sitting in her Bebe Pod..

She took a nap on Sunday in Mommy and Daddy's bed..and I witnessed her sleeping with her eyes open a crack....

Is it love?

Or is he rebelling against his new baby sister? She clearly gets attention when she does these things...let's see if I get attention too!!!

NANCY....

Where you at? Starting to worry, it's not like you to go this long without an update.......

clumps....

...of hair are everywhere I look. I had read about it, I had nightmares about it, and now it is coming true. I am losing my hair in large quantities. My bathroom floor is covered in my hair. baby K keeps getting a fist full, my comb in the morning looks as though I am undergoing chemo....My hair is so thin to begin with, I am not sure my head will survive this. The "post partum hair loss"....


On the topic of post partum, I am fairly certain I have a bit of PPD (post partum depression). It's not horrible and I am able to recognize it. Both are good. I mean it's not good that I feel depressed, but it is good that I feel it is controllable and that I am aware of it. I am keeping an eye on it, and I have advised T that I am sad, so he also is watching me for drastic changes. I am just really depressed about work, and the fact that I have to leave baby K every morning just as she wakes up and barely make it home in time to put her to bed. I am jealous of T, because he gets to spend 3 days a week with her...playing, cuddling, watching her grow and explore and discover new things.


She is 3months old today and I don't have a picture of her to memorialize this day....my camera card has been full for days and I have not had the time to load the pics to my camera and clear my card. I finally did it tonight, but she is asleep. I guess I'll go into her room and take some sleeping pics.


I hate that the only time I get to spend with her is bath and bed time. Both are times that she is not very social because she is exhausted.


Tomorrow is Saturday, Our day, just Mommy and Kira....not this week though. I have to work tomorrow. A work day that should be only a couple of hours, but it won't be. I can feel it in my bones..I'll be there all damn day. Meanwhile T will get to spend the morning with her and my sister the afternoon. I am crossing my fingers that I get to spend Sunday, my first Mother's day, with her. Hopefully nothing crazy happens to requires me to work on Sunday....

In case I don't get back on here before then....Happy Mother's day to all of you wonderful women.....whether you are a Mommy to a child, or a cat, or dog, or birds....or any combination...Happy Mom day to you!!

networking websites.....

....myspace, facebook, cafe moms, etc...Are you a member?

I have a facebook. I joined up on there about 6 months ago after much resistance. I had had a myspace page for years and years until recently. I canceled my myspace because I was sick of all the spamming and application requests. It was annoying.

Anyway....I resisted facebook for years and once I was on, well I was hooked. Primarily because I found several people from my past that are very important to me. Some I have resumed contact with, gotten together, spoken on the phone, begun hanging out with...others are just good to know that they are alive and I can "check" on them occasionally.

My two very best friends from my childhood through teen years I have reconnected with. One lives in the same town as me, Kelly, I've mentioned her before...and the other, Jessie, lives out in Idaho. I lost contact with both many years ago and through face book we found each other again. It's funny how different from each other we are now. When we were younger we were inseparable and now we can hold a conversation for a decent period of time, but then we just run out of topics. But I am still thrilled to be back in touch. Even if it is just for a phone conversation once a month and a card on birthdays. They are two great connections that I am glad to have again.

But then there are the other ones...one in particular. I have a childhood friend, for the sake of her privacy, we'll call her Liz. She is also on facebook. She is someone I have no desire reconnecting with, however I think about her almost daily and always wonder where she is and if she is ok. You see she is an addict. Heroin to be specific. She claims to be clean, but honestly I have no faith in her word. For her sake, for her family's sake, I hope she is clean, but I don't believe her. It's sad really. I wish I could. Several years ago she stole from me. Stole money. That's just not cool. Then after me confronting her, pressing charges against her, cutting her out of my life, she finally admitted that yes she had stolen the money.

For the next few years she would call me on Christmas or my birthday. Always with the same story...She was clean...had been for XX months....was looking to make amends....and each time I thanked her for her call and as nicely as I could advised her that I did not want her in my life. She did the same thing this year on my Birthday, but via facebook. I never responded, I haven't responded, I don't think I will be.

What I have been grateful for is seeing that she is alive, and I don't have to check the obituaries daily looking for her name. That's what I have done for the past 13 or so years, looked for her name daily.

Facebook is as close to her as I would like to get.....it may sound rude, but I have been wronged by her far too many times. The money thing was the final straw.

So...do you have a facebook? A Myspace? A cafe Mom? Any other? Have you found people from your past that you were thrilled about? Anyone that you wished you didn't find?

I spoke too soon...

I awoke at 4:15am with pain equivalent to what I think it would feel like having a large knife jabbed into my gut and turned and turned and turned.......it took all of my energy to get out of bed in search for advil. Once I made my way back to bed I grabbed the heating pad, cranked it up, and got into the fetal position. I must have laid there for at least an hour before I was able to fall asleep.

When I got up with a very happy, very hyper baby K at 6:30 this morning the pain had subsided quite a bit, but I quickly went and took more advil. I'll have to make sure I keep a steady flow of it in my blood today.

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While I was in labor I made a statement that I may live to regret.....I was in so much pain and begging for the epidural, and I told T that I would never complain about my period cramps again since I now knew the pain I would have to face again if I didn't get it. SHIT! I am always doing that...

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The dream that woke me....I never sleep peacefully. I have really disturbing dreams. I always have, ever since I was a little girl, as far back as I can remember, there were always many more nights of nightmares than happy dreams.

When I woke up this morning in pain, the dream I was waking from was no different. I was dreaming that there was an intruder in our house, I burglar I suppose. T and I were both in it, we were trying to hide and keep the baby quiet so that the person did not know we were here. We managed to get down 2 levels of our house (it would never happen since our stairs are super creaky) to our crawl space. T went under and I handed him the baby and as I was ready to go under I remembered the cat and went to try and get him but instead ran into the intruder. He then plunged the knife into me and turned it multiple times....until I woke up.

This intruder dream is one I have had a lot in the past several months. I've woken up several times from this dream and gone and checked all the doors and windows. I have other recurring dreams that are disturbing, maybe I'll share them one day too.

Making some changes....

So I am trying to make some changes to my page (as you can tell), but I can not figure out how to make the picture at the top spread across the page, or at least be stretched through the whole header box.

Bare with me as I experiment....not sure I love the colors, the layout, etc....

Finally!

Almost 12 weeks in waiting I finally got my F'ing period!

Sorry if that is TMI for you. But for christ sake I Have been an emotional wreck this week and now I know why! I don't want to jinx it, but I have yet to have cramps! I wonder if child birth made something happen to make me no longer have the excruciating painful periods I used to have.....hmmmmmm