I reunited with my High School besties tonight. 2 guys I hadn't seen in nearly 10 years S and J. I run into S on occasion in town, he still lives in our home town and his Mom recently died and I attended services for her. J however left about 10 years ago and on his infrequent returns we have not been able to hook up. Well we were able to manage a few hours together tonight. J, his wife and their 7 month old daughter, along with S, his wife and 6 month old son, and I and Little K (T totally dissed me on this one and I am currently providing the silent treatment until he owns up to it) got together at S's home.
It was so great to see my buddies again, I terribly miss J, he was my one true best guy friend I ever had. The kind of guy that you could snuggle in bed together and it never meant anything sexual. He would hold you when you cried, laugh at you when you fell, and hold your hair when you were puking up purple passion....
Their wives were younger than us, and very good friends in high school. They immediately retreated to the family room with the babies to catch up. J and S were standing in the kitchen drinking beers catching up. And I was chasing Little K around the very large, very non-toddler friendly home. I did not get to stand around shooting the shit with my buddies. Nope, my partner, my husband, should have been there to watch over our child and allow me the whole 2 hours I was getting. But instead I chased after my child, maybe spoke a total of a dozen words to my friends and then I had to leave.
I cried the whole way home.
I may never see J again. S lives nearby, but he always has and we don't see each other now so why would that change?
Don't get me wrong. This is not about the fact that I had to watch my kid. I love to chase after her. I love to spend as much time with her as possible. But I asked my husband to be there with me. I asked for his support and he bailed on me.
I spent a lot of my youth listening to my mother make excuses for why my father was not with us at events. Family events. Social events. He wasn't there because he chose not to be, but being a wife and a mother you cover it up to make your family look perfect to the outside world. You say that he had to work, or he is sick, or he had a conflict. When the bottom line is "He chose to not support me and he stayed home. Sorry visiting you is not of importance to him". I realized tonight that I do this a lot for my husband. More often than I'd like to admit.
I will not make excuses for him anymore. And honestly I don't know what that means. If I don't have a full time partner then what do I have?
7 comments:
I'm so sorry. It must be incredibly hard not to feel supported, especially when you specifically ask for the support. Hugs to you!
((hugs)) i'm sorry sweetie. i grew up with a father like that too & i think the illusion of perfection just makes it all the more painful when the truth seeps out, & it always does. no one wants to cover for their husband & keep making apologies on their behalf. it sucks. i hope you're able to confront T & make him see that this is a big deal to you & to your marriage. & in the meantime-- more ((hugs))
My dh tried to do that to me before and I was not having it. Two of my hs besties were home for xmas one year, one from the military and one from eng.land and my dh tried to sneak away to play video games! gah!
I hope T realizes the support he should have given you and next time he'll come with and no excuse will be necessary.
Well, that sucks. Maybe you need to be frank about your husband what you feel deep inside at times you need a time for yourself. Cheer up!
Following your lovely blog and inviting you to add this at http://olahmomma.com/momlounge - a mommy blogger directory and more, where you can also meet more mom bloggers like you and get connected with them by visiting your profile after registration. You can Shout there too:)
You can also add there your giveaways and business links; get featured by sharing your crafts, recipes and interesting musings.
Following us back is deeply appreciated. Thanks and have a great day!
http://olahmomma.com -- blogging and connecting blogging moms.
{all moms welcome}
P.S. Join my Betty Crocker Package Giveaway by visiting http://olahmomma.com/betty-crocker-instant-mashed-potato-review-giveaway. More giveaways at http://olahmomma.com/momlounge/just_listed_giveaways
I'd be pissed at the hubby too. Mark has done that to me a few times - saying he's tired or doesn't feel good just to watch football or play video games. I did the silent treatment, supported him at his social events with his friends and pointed out that I was going to them when I didn't want to go - and would rather stay home and watch movies. So he goes to my stuff all the time now. Hang in there, he'll get it.
Maybe he was jealous that they're guy friends you were close to?
Hey! You don't think I wasn't torn by missing functions when you were younger? I DID work alot. Eight hours straight time, then on call all night doing state police calls. On call all weekend! I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect dad. I did the best I could at that time in my life with the hand I was delt.
~hugs~ I'm sorry you were put in that position, and that sucks. Hopefully if you guys sit down together and talk about it you can sort it out so it doesn't happen again.
Post a Comment