I've got the Blues...I've got them bad. I can't tell if they are the Baby Blues...the Life Blues...the Job Blues.....
I am unhappy all day at work. I wake up with that pit in my stomach. I am angry and moody all day. As I drive home I become emotional and angry that I have to go home and prepare a meal, and then repeat the same shit the next day. Sometimes I want to find a place to escape...a place that is not home, a place that is not work, a place that is quiet...dark...warm.
I haven't dealt with depression in a long time. I went through a period of time when I was a teenager that I was seriously depressed, so bad that I had to leave school my senior year and get home schooled. It was all related to typical teenage shit, bad break up with a boyfriend, betrayal by my closest friends, dealing with the F'ed up shit I faced as a young child. But instead of turning to drugs and alcohol I turned to counseling. Tell me...how many 16/17 year olds do you know that would willingly seek out therapy?
My goal at this time was to NOT take medication. At the time I was so Anti anti-depressants. I now fully understand the benefits and need for them for some people. I am not one of them. I don't have a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected/adjusted with meds. I just get sad sometimes...it happens.
During my therapy sessions I learned how to deal with my anger, with my sadness. How to look at things with optimism...things can always be worse. This has been such a huge help to me through out my life, knowing that I can work through anything, but sometimes I need to let it fester in my head for a while before I can "deal" with it. The problem I am facing right now is I don't know what is making me sad. I am hopeful it is just the combination of the hormonal imbalance in my body and the stress of my job getting to me.
I love my husband, he treats me well, tells me how much he loves me daily, is the first to compliment my appearance. He does what I ask (sometimes I have to ask a few times..but that is normal). So that isn't the issue...
I have this baby growing inside of me, that I am feeling move more and more each day. Which is a sigh of relief, since it took so long to feel the slightest movement.
I only have 57 days of work left before I have several weeks off. And in 3 days I will be under 100 days away from my due date!
My baby shower is 3 weeks away.
These are all good things....so why am I so sad
4 comments:
((hug))
...I think it's in the air. Lets go hunt down the air and kick the crap out of it.
We all get the blues. You are so right. I think just keep doing what you are doing...look at the bright side and realize all the good you have going on in your life. It's the way I get through it myself! I used to take meds for depression but, like you, I don't feel the need to take them anymore. Does that mean I DON'T ever suffer from depression? No, just that I choose to DEAL with it in a different way. I've been feeling like this myself lately...almost feeling like "Isn't there supposed to be MORE?" to life...to work...to everything in general? But then I end my night cuddling with my husband who loves me and all my crankiness and I realize, it could always be worse.
HOly crap, that was a rambler. LOL
Oh ~hugs~. I'm sorry. I feel it too. But I'll have a good day and then the next day (like today) I feel like I just would rather die. Except I've never eveer dealt with depression before, so this is really really really hard for me. I'm being a shitty wife. I'm being a shitty mom to my 2 kids. I'm not enjoying my last pregnancy like I should. So I've obviously got no ideas or advice. But that I understand the feelings of the blues.
I hear you!! I feel that way sometimes. Like your whole life you can't wait to grow up, get married, have a baby...but then what???
When I was pregnant, I used to watch TV and cry about my job. I would cry on the drive home. I think with your extra hormones and feeling sad....it's just makes it worse.
Hang in there...In a few months...you'll be happier than you ever thought you could be!!
Oh and baby shower...woo hoo...that'll make you smile!!
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