Resentment...

I am feeling a lot of resentment this week. And I don't want to. I really don't, yet I can't seem to help it.

I am surrounded by pregnancy announcements, baby showers, birth announcements. It all makes me want to scream. I am so happy for many of these people, really I am. But then there are others, the ones that I shudder at the thought of them bringing a life into this world.

I saw two announcements this morning on FB (you know the new global news resource) from old friends. One is preggers with #3. She struggles to take care of her 2 other children (financially - not mentally or physically). I can't imagine the reasons why she would have unprotected sex. I just don't get it. Are we not well educated? Do people really think "It won't happen to me?". The other with #2, and i know she and her husband were trying and planned for a 2nd this year. While I am happy for them, that they will have this joy....it kind of pisses me off too!

A very close friend of mine had her baby shower this past weekend. I used the excuse that it was my birthday and already had plans, when the truth was, I did not want to sit through her shower knowing that I wouldn't be having another one in my future. I knew it was wrong, but I still didn't go. And why didn't I go? Because I am jealous.

Why should I be like this? I DO HAVE a beautiful daughter. A child that I created and birthed, and that is so much more than others, hell many of you, have. I feel selfish feeling this way. Yet it just continues.