Dear child of mine,
You are really getting on my nerve and becoming a royal pain in the ass (literally!). Isn't there any way we can make a deal? Work together to come up with a compromise?
How about if you get off my sciatic nerve and I will promise to not show your future high school boyfriend or girlfriend your naked baby pictures? Or how about if I promise to not dress you up in really corny regrettable outfits and photograph you?
What will it take? Please tell me because my right butt cheek and right leg hurt so badly that I would like to just cut off my limbs from the waste down....
All my love-
Mommy
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