Do you have one? A Will? A written declaration of your last wishes? A legally binding statement indicating what your wishes are in the event of your death?
I don't.
We don't.
I think about this all the time lately. Mostly because I have not one person in the world that I feel is worthy to take over care, love, nurturing of my child (soon to be children). And becasue I know that I will die. Maybe not today or tomorrow...or maybe it will be today or tomorrow. Who is to say?
K began Pre School recently and in perfect timing she also began having major separation anxiety about a week before. Each morning she begs me to stay home, begs me not to work, tells me how much she will miss me (remember here folks she is home with her Dad almost every day...). On the mornings I drop her at school (only 2 days a week) we go through a more dramatic process.
As I leave her each day I find myself unable to "promise" her that I will see her later. The reality that death is so far out of my own control is really in my face lately. I tell her "Mommy always tries to make it back home to see you", but I just can't promise her that "Mommy will be home later", what if I never make it home that day? What would that do to her if I broke my promise? I never want to break a promise to her, not one that big at least.
I don't know where these morbid (realistic) thoughts are coming from, but they are affecting me huge. I know we need to identify someone to care for our kids. I just don't know how to go about it. Our parents and Aunts/Uncles are too old to take on the responsibility. I only have one sibling, and while K loves her, she has already raised her kid and is onto the next stage in life. We have no cousins we are "close" with, that K knows well, that we would feel comfortable taking her in if we were both gone. Most of our friends are either not parenting material, don't spend enough time with K to set a comfort level (live too far away), or have parenting styles so different from us, that we could not imagine leaving her with them.
Hell, I won't even let any of these people babysit her.
I hope to never have to have my will become a reality, but I do need to prepare for that just in case.
1 comment:
We don't have one. We're horrible parents, right?
I'm totally with you though...we can't decide on one person, couple, family that would do it the way we would. Then again, if we were gone, nothing would be the same for the Crazies...nothing. It's a horrible thought, that we wouldn't come back, but I totally get it.
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