February 2, 2011

It's official....

...no more babies for me. For us.

We had "the talk" tonight, the one where we discuss whether or not we will be adding to our family. I will be 34 in a month, he is 40, K is about to turn 2...for me it is now or never. For him it is never.

I have to admit, I am heart broken. I really thought we would have one more. But now that I know we will not I need to put that in my mind and move forward. It is all I can do.

I just wish I had been connected more to my pregnancy with K. I was such a nervous wreck about losing her that I feel like I never properly bonded with her while I was pregnant. Even after she was born, it took me a little while. I am afraid I will live the rest of my life feeling an emptiness. I feel it now. I hope it goes away..................

6 comments:

Danifred said...

I'm so sorry. I hope you are able to find a place of peace with the decision. Much love!

Sara said...

I'm sorry. I am sure that is a tough talk to have and a tough decision to make. Just focus your energy on K - I hope you are able to come to peace with your decision.
Hugs to you!

Rebecca said...

That's a hard talk to have, but necessary. Hopefully you'll find peace with where you are and the emptiness will go away.

Megan said...

I'm sorry you are sad and feeling empty. I can't say anything that will make you feel better, except that I am pretty sure that what you are feeling is very normal. Hug to you!

kate said...

i don't know what to say... i want to say "i'm sorry" but sorry doesn't seem to encompass all of the sadness that NEVER is, & all of the joy that every day with baby K will bring you as your precious only baby. i AM sorry for the emptiness... i hope it fades & that you are able to feel complete in the family you have. ((hugs))

Carrie27 said...

I hate that I didn't enjoy either one of my pregnancies because of the same reasons, but I know it would not change if we did have another.

Hugs, it's a tough decision for anyone to make.