The past few days I have had some seriously bizarre dreams. They involve a baby crying, something squeezing me so tight I am unable to breathe. I feel the legs and arms wrapped around me, crushing my ribs. The whole time I am trying to soothe it (the baby?) and it makes me believe that is what it wants but in the end it is trying to destroy me.
I get this feeling while I am having them, an evil, unnatural, unwanted feeling. I just can't describe it. It leaves me awake and frightened to sleep. It leaves me needing to go and check on K. It leaves me grasping at straws at the meaning.....
Could it be that I am holding on too tight to the loss of a baby? A loss of a baby I will never conceive? I know I need to let it go, I need to put it out of my mind and move forward but it won't leave.
Could it be that I feel the pain of losing a baby because of Kellie's Maddie that died unexpectedly last week?
Could there be a spirit in my home trying to get to me? Trying to drive me bat shit crazy? (don't even laugh - you know it can happen)
I need these dreams to stop. I need to sleep again. I need to resolve my demons.
5 comments:
Sometimes writing it down is all you need...bet you won't have this dream tonight. I hate bad dreams.
Yikes - that is one horrible dream. Maybe try watching something really funny before bed and see if it helps clear your mind a little more.
Hugs.
ew, that's scary. that creeped me out just reading about it!
maybe try reading some thing cheerful & innane before bed?
& as a totaly personal & probably inappropriate question(feel free to ignore me)-- are you really sure you can get past having not another child? i wonder to myself if it really is one of those things you can "get over", bc honestly, i'm not sure i could. also just wondering since that seems to be where your mind went first, maybe you & T really aren't as done talking about it as you say you are. not that he'll change his mind, but maybe there are still issues to discuss there?
whatever it is, i hope the nightmares leave you alone!
That's a crazy disturbing dream. I hate dreams that recur over time.
Hugs, my friend
I think you hit the nail on the head with your first suscpicion over what the dream is about. It's obviously upsetting and you can't "get over it:" overnight despite the fact that you and T have discussed it. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. :-(
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